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Still struggling with my identity I had asked an old friend to be my girlfriend. Her and I wrote letters and exchanged our desire to see each other soon. Shortly after leaving recruit training and entering my training to be a Hospital Corpsman I decided our relationship was a lse hope. I quickly ended our relationship and later left for my first duty station in Sigonella, Sicily.

I think gay people have a much harder time because straight people never have to have that heart-pounding, waiting-for-the-right-moment, fear-of-getting-rejected talk about who they love. I still have to exercise discretion with someone like my 100-year-old grandpa, who passed without ever knowing, or my 3-year-old nephew. Its unir but hopefully we as a society come to a place where assumptions arent made one way or another about who you love. In college I co-led our Safe Space program, training Resident Advisers and others to provide welcoming spaces for LGBTQ students. We taught to ask are you seeing anyone? instead of saying do you have a girlfriend to a guy. Its little things like re-doing assumptions which make the coming out process easier for everyone. That, in turn, following Harvey Milks clarion you must come out call, advances both legal equality and personal equality for all.

I learned I am at 17 (thanks Ron).

I was in the audience when I first spotted Mark, playing the role of Mother Abbess in a campy version of the Sound of Music. Wearing a habit, Mark brought down the house with his lsetto rendition of Climb Every Mountain. Youve got to find the life you were born to live.

After I quietly resigned the church I first told my Sister and Brother in law. They were extremely upset and read scripture to me and told me they still loved me, but they would never be able accept this reality about my life.

photo by Kevin Truong

The few people that I have invested my time in are very carefully selected individuals. I will be turning 30 soon and I have little time for disingenuous people in my life.

thegaymenproject CommentsCity: Washington D.C.gay marriage, kevin truong, pictures of gay men, the gay men project, washington D.C.

Thanks again for this opportunity to share. I am intrigued to hear more of your story sometime too.

thegaymenprojectIn His Own Words....2012, apartments, shion, gay marriage, gay men, gay men with beards, gay rights, kevin truong, lgbt, new york city, photographer, photography, portraits, portraiture, president obama, san francisco, spaces, the gay men project

Andy, in his own words:We have been together 18 years, or as I like to joke, 10 happy years.

I am proud I am every day (thankful).

(With regards to coming out) Ive been out for 11 years now, and its been mostly uphill since that moment. I met my first other gay boy my age when I was a sophomore in High School, fell in love with him, had my heart ripped out, told everyone it was happening because I didnt want to be alone in love/despair and that was pretty much that. My friends were all mostly supportive and my parents ultimately were too. Now they come to my queer parties, ask about how my boyfriends are doing and all that.

(The gay community in DC is) Vibrant. From the Halloween high heel drag race to dozens of gay sports clubs to bear yoga, theres so many wonderful opportunities to be part of a gay community. Like DC in general, it is status-obsessed and class-based, but once you get past that, people here are good to one another, stand up for each other when we ce challenges, and have a helluva lot of fun.

I was blessed in many respects to be from Connecticut, which has been one of the most progressive states on equality in the country. When I was eighteen years old and in my first semester of college I started dating a guy and things quickly became serious. I remember I was terrified to tell anyone in my mily. Im closest to my mom and knew if there were anyone I would tell first it would be her.

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I once participated in an It Gets Better video where I commented, being gay is the best thing ever, I wish everyone was gay because its so much happiness. I still wish this but for a myriad of reasons it isnt possible. If theres one thing Ive learned it is you dont choose to be this way, youre born it.

thegaymenproject CommentCity: Washington D.C., In His Own Words....kevin truong, pictures of gay men, the gay men project, washington DC

Being gay means bringing another aspect of diversity and humanity to my community. I believe the best kinds of communities are diverse and have people from all walks of life in terms of not only ual orientation but also ith, education, race, and other backgrounds. I am proud to bring another aspect in this case, love to my friends, mily, colleagues and neighborhood.

(Challenges Ive ced) Discrimination and second-class citizenship. Ive dedicated much of the last 7 years of my life to resolving that not only for myself but for others in the LGBTQ community. But discrimination goes beyond rights, its intrinsic in language and person-to-person treatment. In high school, I was bullied and called names. I overcame that but others still ce those challenges. Thats the real next frontier thats both concurrent with and after legal equality: changing society and how we treat one another in everyday life. The military is legally safe for the gays, but gay servicemembers are not always treated as they should be by their peers. Union contracts in major sporting leagues forbid discrimination, but there is no major out player as of this post because of fear. Full personal equality is the place to which we must get as a society.

Adam, in his own words:

I suspected I was at 12 (thanks middle school gym).

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photo by Kevin Truong

Just before my trip to DC, I sat watching an episode of Will & wonder how my mother did it? Fade to commercial. I thought, well, thats a sign, muted the TV,new york escort turned to mom, and told her. I got a big hug and a talk about HIV. With Dad it was much harder because of his background, but weve come a long way. My sister heard it from my mom and then word spread.

I came out late, tragically and comically looking into all kinds of conversion programs before coming to terms with my uality while in graduate school at UNC- Chapel Hill. With two gay sisters, Mark came out earlier to himself but to his parents only after meeting me.

Theo, in his own words:I did have to formally come out due to the ct that I was still a licensed minister in the Church of the Nazarene. I tortured myself for over 25 years trying to believe I was not gay and I spent the majority of that time trying to convince people.

thegaymenproject CommentsCity: Washington D.C., In His Own Words....kevin truong, pictures of gay men, the gay men project, washington DC

(With regards to my coming-out story) I first told my best friend, Aditi, who was out as a lesbian way back in our high school in the Buflo suburbs during winter break 03. Then I told my best college friend Jackie in the dorms at University of Rochester, where we attended undergrad. That gave me courage and I swore I would tell my mily before I went away to DC to intern in the summer of 04.

photo by Kevin Truong

Tom, in his own words:(Being gay has) been a gift for me! My worldview and creative output are so shaped by my being queer and im pretty proud of both. The people ive met, the places ive gone, the things ive accomplished, so many of those things wouldnt have happened if I werent queer and I wouldnt trade them for anything.

photo by Kevin Truong

photo by Kevin Truong

I have found D.C. to be a very open minded city, but conservative in so many other ways. The majority of people here are obsessed with their work and they let their jobs define who they are. The social scene here can become very repetitive and it bores me.

When I realized I was gay and there was no changing it, I was working as an associate Pastor at a prominent church in Colorado Springs, CO. Dr. James Dobson, the founder of Focus on the Family, was actually one of the churches members and attended sporadically in between his busy schedule.

In 2001, Mark and I returned from Vietnam with our five month old son, Ben. Shy with adults but popular with his peers, Ben is bright, athletic and an expert on advanced weapons systems. Mark created the coolest back yard in Baltimore for Ben, complete with trampoline, zip line, tree house and water slide. Our house is always filled with the sounds of young boys laughing, having gun battles or discussing the latest Bond film.

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Ive only said Im not once (thanks violent homophobe).

A few weeks later I told my Father and without surprise he was livid. He screamed and condemned me and assured me I would burn in hell for eternity. The one thing he said that will always remain in my mind was, I always knew you were I was just hoping you would avoid it. 

I was not having any luck finding work in the winter of 2009, so I joined the United States Navy as a Hospital Corpsman. When I entered the Navy Dont Ask Dont Tell or DADT was still in place and I knew if I acknowledged I was gay or admitted it to anyone I could be separated from service.

In the ll of 2011 DADT was repealed and for the first time in my life I openly lived my life as a gay man. I have never felt being gay hindered my job or my work environment and I do not understand why it would. The people I have met in the military have all been very accepting and open minded people. They have always been willing to adapt to an ever-changing diversity. 

Since returning to the states and settling into a new duty station in Washington, D.C., I have begun to explore my ith again. I started attending a Church that was just getting its start in the H Street corridor. The people there have all been very accepting and understanding of my background in church and we find a lot of common ground.

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In my first month there I emailed my mother over Facebook and told her I was gay. She was sweet and told me that I would always just be her son and that she loved me. It was in Sicily that I was able to explore my newfound freedom away from my mily and from religious persecution.

I told my friends and mily I am at 19 (thanks booze).

photo by Kevin Truong

(With regards to challenges) Aside fThe Gay Men Projectrom occasionally having ggot shouted at me on the street and a few tumultuous teenage years (I havent had) too many to speak of. Im sure that there have been more subtle challenges but my life as a gay men has been largely without incident and Im very thankful and lucky to be able to say that.

A quote from vorite author will better explain how I feel. It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for something you are not. ~Andre Gide

Andrew, in his own words:Three words sum up being gay for me: uniqueness, complexity and celebration.

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thegaymenprojectCity: Washington D.C.kevin truong, pictures of gay men, the gay men project, washington DC

The LGBT community in Washington, DC is very supportive and proud. I feel blessed to be an active member of the Gay Mens Chorus of Washington, which has given me some amazing performing opportunities and close friends. Like other large cities however, DC can be a transient town. While I feel settled, those closest to you can be gone in an instant developing lasting relationships difficult.

(The gay scene in San Francisco is) pretty spectacular. When I first moved here I felt like looking at the queer scene was like standing on the edge of the ocean It was so vast and had r too much depth to ever understand. Having been here for eight years now it certainly doesnt appear as vast as it once does but its still very impressive. Its amazing living in a city where theres such a diversity of experiences and interests that there isnt a gay scene to speak of but rather communities within that that congregate around other interests and just happen to be queer.

Sheldon, in his own words:Being gay means you are given special permission to be your truest self. The challenge was finding those few that you aspire to who share your architecture. Once I found out I shared the design of Baldwin, Rustin, Hughes and other countless greats, I embraced that as a gift. I find DC to be an affirming place, a rare space in this world, where who I am, doesnt challenge what I do. Coming out started as an internal process. Once youve worked yourself through the mire of uality, youll have the infrastructure to support yourself once you start sharing your genuine self with the world.

Never could I do the whole blatant Im gay thing so I had to figure out a way of telling her who I was in a different manner. We were talking one day and she knew I had been spending a lot of time with this guy. I remember telling her I had to go see my boyfriend and she kind of stared at me. She didnt understand at first and then it all sank in. Like many mothers she cried at first but was very understanding and loving. The best part of the experience was she did the heavy lifting and told the rest of my mily, most of which already knew and didnt care. Old news in their mind.

My dad moved in last year, adding a third loving generation to the mily.

The one thing I want to convey is each gay person is different and special. Yes, youve got those who love shopping, drag queens and makeup but there are also people like myself who are religious, dont really care for gay bars and would rather watch House of Cards than Ru Pauls Drag Race.

Judy, in his own words:

(With regards to challenges) I tend to work in some conservative circles professionally and while Ive never felt unwelcome I think theres an education deficit a lot of older people ce on ual orientation. If 90 percent of life is just showing up then Im progress. The way I combat those unmiliar with issues surrounding ual orientation is by being present, hard working and let my actions, not simply my ual orientation speak for itself.

When I was a kid I can recall trying to fit in with the other boys. They all talked about girls, sports and guy things like cars. I could never quite understand why I wasnt able to speak on their level. When I realized I was gay I started to feel more accepting of my own identity and realized I didnt need to try and fit in, my being different was something I wanted to celebrate.

photo by Kevin Truong